No Whine with Dinner!

Quote:   Whining is anger being forced through a very small hole. – Unknown

Perspective:  Have you ever accidentally scraped your nails on a blackboard?  Just thinking about it makes me quiver!   What did you do immediately after scraping your nails?  Apologize profusely?  Curse loudly?  Shrug it off?    

How often do you whine?  Be truthful.  A synonym of whining is complaining.  How often do you complain?  I’m from New York City – I’m a professional complainer.  The answer for me is too often!

Complaining often becomes toxic.  Too much toxicity in our spirit (soul) brings harm.  Our spirit is our foundation.  A shaky or non-existent foundation will make an entire edifice crumble.  This is similar to our spirit.  A toxic spirit has a breaking point.  That’s when the body is at risk.  The body can go on for a while with toxicity.  How long can the spirit live with toxicity?  

Whining and complaining is often about control, impatience, or resentments.  What can I control in this moment?  Am I asking God to grant me patience right now??  Do I want to "shoot the messenger" because I have a grudge?   

Instead of whining, take a moment to breathe (pray, meditate).  Simple but difficult!   What can I do in this moment?  I can assess my control of the situation, evaluate my current level of patience, or consider my resentment level.  Simple solutions can still be a process ... a long process.  A process is a journey worth the wait.

 

Call to Action:  We all have assets and liabilities.  How did you have a liability removed from your life?  Is that liability gone forever or removed in the here and now?  Remember your assets.   Concentrate on those assets.

notes: www.twitter4lifecoaches.com

Repetitive Self-Combustion

Quote:   Fires can't be made with dead embers, nor can enthusiasm be stirred by spiritless men. Enthusiasm in our daily work lightens effort and turns even labor into pleasant tasks. -- James Baldwin 

Perspective:  When I was in college I worked as a salaried, 25 cents over minimum wage, worker.  Although if you asked me back then, I was a professional stylist who thrived at an upscale merchant on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.  What??!!!  Yes that was me!! I was so happy to have an adult job!!! I wasn’t a camp counselor or babysitter. I had to wear suits and pantyhose and high heels like any other career women.  I was crossing the threshold to be an adult. 

I was the quintessential, perky worker.  I didn’t just sell to customers – I collaborated with clients. I consistently got great reviews of my work and was soooooooooo cheerful!  Yes me, the pessimistic South Bronx girl loved loved this job!!  Then reality set in.  I actually started looking at my payroll checks and how they weren’t getting any larger.  I got so depressed.  Within 18 months my department went from one of the best on the floor to the next to last in sales.  I despised the commute, my co-workers, and yes especially the customers. 

How did they inject vigor in to me? They consistently threatened to fire me. I got better for a month, then I went right back to my malaise and apathy.  I quit before my 3^rd year anniversary and before another dreaded holiday season.   

James Baldwin’s quote talks about enthusiasm in my daily work.   Not just the 9-5 drudgery but in the run of the mill, mundane, routine type tasks.  I’m washing the dishes, changing diapers, reading email, buying gas, or drinking water with little fervor.  How happy and grateful can I be to have a roof over my head, have children, have a computer/smartphone, have a car, or have running clean water?  How happy and grateful can I be to have integrity, intelligence, wit, beauty, and intimacy with God?  

Call to Action:  You’ve just finished a triathlon (2 mile swim, 100 mile bicycle ride, 26,2 mile marathon run) in record time.  What are you grateful for right now?

Stick with a Decision

Quote:  You bought the ticket, now watch the movie.  – Anonymous

Perspective:  Let’s contemplate the situation literally.  Before I enter the movie theater (or download the movie or put in the DVD) I’m making a conscious decision to choose the film, select the theater, pick the day and time to view, find the best place to park my car or pick the best public transit route, and of course, which snacks to buy.  Several decisions to make BEFORE seeing the movie!!  Now to see the fruits of my labor blossom … 

How many times in my life have I taken steps to get to a goal, and then become petrified and stop?  Not to pause with a hint of expectancy but stop with all out FEAR.  My excuse? I bought the ticket: AKA I paid for the education, I networked with mentors, I planned my future.  Now I need to “watch the movie.”  

But it gets hard.  I’m working 84 hours a week between my 9-5 gig and future business.  I can’t keep up with payments for my education.  I have few groceries in my pantry and there are cobwebs in my refrigerator.  My mentors continue to say there’s more opportunity right around the corner, but I’m not seeing it.  How do I keep pushing when the future looks bleak?

After I think about it I realized ask this question.  Does my entire future look bleak or does this moment look miserable?  I paid for the movie.  There are slow parts of the film.  There are also car chases, comic relief, zombies, love scenes, and a denouement.  The conclusion is yet to come. In fact, there is no final scene.  It’s a long long long long long running series that has ups and downs but is never boring. 

Call to Action:  What is your favorite film or TV series? Re-write the film or TV series with YOU as the star.  

Failure to Appreciate

Quote:  Failure is a trickster with a keen sense of irony and cunning. – Napoleon Hill (THINK AND GROW RICH) 

Perspective:  I’ve been laid off twice in my work life. Both times I had a feeling the layoff was on the horizon.  I can’t explain it, but I “knew” something was going to happen.  In 2011, it occurred at the most inopportune moment in my life.  It was May 2011, I had just finished with all my short-term coaching clients and I had a few substantial bills that needed to be paid by September 30.  What was I to do? I’m single; I don’t have a husband or a large savings account as a contingency.  Dammit!!! Why was I laid off NOW???!!!?!?!?! 

I can be pissed off at the universe and still have faith, correct?  I was going to test that theory.  I “tested” that theory for 7 months.  It didn’t work.  Now what?!  

I wasn’t going to continue what I was doing.  So, then do the opposite.  Instead of what I didn’t have, I started thinking, “what was I grateful for in the moment?”  People had been telling me that for months.  I didn’t start to listen to them until January 2012. 

I had to rethink the issue.  How is my being laid off an opportunity?  From September 2011 - January 2012 -- I was able to work 3 short term projects, attended 6 holiday parties (unprecedented!!), network with 17 potential clients, met 3 possible coaching affiliates/business partnerships, started making arrangements for 2 future speaking gigs, and participated in one free class (I assisted the main trainer).  Whew and WOW!!!  My failure – something I was defining my life in the moment (unemployed, lonely, unsuccessful) – transformed in to the amazing life I am living now.

Yes I am living my life 1000% !!! 

Call to Action:  Write 125 opportunities you are grateful for right now.  I know I suggested that Call to Action in a previous blog, but when was the last time YOU did a gratitude list?

Counting to 1,000 may be Best

Quote:  Hesitation is the best cure for anger … The first blows of anger are heavy, but if it waits, it will think again.  – Seneca 

Perspective:  I was told about 14 years ago, the pause between the thought and the reaction is where my maturity and growth lie.  Of course, there have been times I’m neither mature nor an adult.  I continue that angry behavior with justification.  Very meager justification.  One definition for justification is a fact, reason, or circumstance that justifies or defends.  What are my “reasons?”  Am I right and you’re wrong?  In my mind – YES. 

Remember the old adage to “count to ten” before saying something?

In the corporate world, I was told not to answer an email immediately.  Especially when I’m reacting in anger (more work, no overtime, another meaningless meeting on my schedule).  If I was angry it was best to wait 1 business day before answering.  When I was a computer trainer I would tell people, there’s no “undo” with email.  Yes there is a retract feature in Outlook but that only works BEFORE the recipient opens the email.  Once said I can’t “un-ring” a bell.  Once said, I can say sorry one trillion times but you won’t feel any better.  The sting is still there.  Then healing becomes a process for the both of us.

Before speaking, hesitating can heal us both quicker.  I may still be angry; just not hurtful to either one of us.  I can measure my words and take the next right action (or reaction).  I haven’t made any worthwhile hasty decisions.  Have you? 

Call to Action:  Take a vow of silence for 2 hours today.  You can only communicate with others with written notes (NO emails or texts).  Rejoice in the gift of time you need to take write out your answer and unhurriedly respond.   

There's No Sun Up in the Sky - Stormy Weather

Quote: Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell the storm how big your God is! -- Unknown

Perspective:  Yes, rejuvenating the blog with a bang – or a storm!!!  Hurricane Sandy is hitting the east coast of the US as we speak. I’m in New York City and a little scared of the weather for the first time in my life. I live in a small apartment building in the Bronx.  Surrounded by 2 parks, a courtyard and several gardens it’s a respite to the concrete “jungle” outside.  I have great fear the park will be devastated, trees uprooted, and the bucolic environment of my area will be lost.  I’m sad, anguished, and tormented.  Then I become incensed it will take to damn long for the city to replant and refurbish and revitalize my neighborhood. What’s going on??!!!??!

First—breathe.  Second – focus on the present.  Third – breathe again, this time deeply.  Rinse lather, repeat.  I don’t have to “fix” my attitude. I can forge in to the present. I can concentrate on what is good in this moment.  I’m not a great artist but I did draw a picture in my mind of what my neighborhood currently looks like.  I am focusing on that picture. What’s happening right now?  Yes the wind, rain, and leaves blowing about, but also the beauty in their dance.  I am part of the beauty of the neighborhood.  I’m grateful to be a minute part of all of this splendor! 

Call to Action:  Define beauty.  How are you exactly like that picture of beauty?  How can you embody that definition IN THIS MOMENT? Do it for the next 22 days.  

notes: #returntojerseyshore2013